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Still Life
So I grabbed a canvas, set up the easel, put on a Rammstein CD and played hide
and seek with my pigments. I found all the colors that reminded me of you; Alizarin Crimson, Cerulean Blue, Mars
Red, all the Cadmiums and Lead White, which was hiding behind a bottle of gin that I drank while I mixed the paints
with linseed oil. First I mixed your flesh tones with all the glowing warm colors, and added Cerulean Blue and
Lead White 'cos you can be cold, too. So there you were, sitting on the wall behind my apartment, sitting on the
canvas on my easel, staring at me. Then I painted your hair,
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which always looks like it is burning. I almost ran
out of orange, but in the end I was able to scrape up just enough, and it looked just like you. I had hoped
that painting your portrait would give me some insight as to why you left me, but my hopes had failed me again.
Your eyes were as blank on the canvas as they ever were in the short time when we were together, never betraying any of your true feelings. I don't know how long I stared at the picture, filled with the knowledge that I could never have you again. It was too much for me. I didn't want to paint anymore without you, so I finished the gin
and cut off my hand.
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